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Requisite Introduction and Fact Finding

Hey, check it out - here's a post I wrote for one of my other blogs. SCORE on the 'copy/paste'! I am such a lazy ass...

In the interest of full...well, okay, MORE disclosure, I should probably tell you that:

*I'm not TECHNICALLY bored.

*My name is not TECHNICALLY Mabel.

(Okay, not anything remotely close to Mabel.)

I'm in my early 40. Not 40's, because I do not intend to repeat this decade. WTF, I never understood that - "she's in her forties". (Okay, okay - I understand it. I'm not a moron. I just don't agree with it.)

I'm on my last husband. (He's number 2 of 2. Thank Cheeses for "do-overs", cause I totally screwed the pooch on that first choice. Man.) I have an awesome kid, (he ate his weight in pancakes this morning. It was a sight to behold!) which is pretty remarkable. Not because he doesn't have awesome parents...he does. (And we're modest.) Because the medical community in general were in concurrence that my "womb was a barren place, where his seed could find no purchase." [/Raising Arizona] Awesome kid is proof of my suspicion that a great number of doctors drink heavily and have few brain cells left intact. (Not that I'm anti-drinking heavily. Quite the contrary.)

I'm just a mild mannered suburban Mom who just happens to swear like a sailor. There are lots of us, trust me. I really DO know how to write - swear to cheeses. But, eh. Who can be bothered with proper sentence structure et al when blogging? It's not like anybody's going to read my drivel anyway. And so I shall ramble, because it pleases me to do so.

I don't work anymore - I'm a Stay at Home Mom. (Lil' Dude is three. He can't be trusted here alone. I've tried.) Now, before you get all up in arms and say "oh, but you DO still work! SAHM is such a tough job!" Well, sure it is...when you do it right. I'll let you in on a lil' secret. The title of this thing should really have been "Lazy Mabel". 'Cause I do as little around here as I can get away with. Good thing I have a kick ass husband with the patience of Job. I mean, Kiddo has a great social life - playdates, swim lessons, activities galore. But, beyond that - dude, you should see my laundry pile. OMG. I think badgers are nesting in it.

Let's see, what else? I'm a music fiend. Likely addicted to the internet in many of it's forms. I believe the cunning use of snark is a gift. I love technology. (I totally ripped that off from Napoleon Dynamite. Well, technically Kip Dynamite.) I used to be really opinionated, but the older I get, the more I'm convinced that "opinionated" just means "always right". Luckily, this confidence - or perhaps the aforementioned laziness - affords me the luxury to just wallow in my correctitude (I totally just made that word up) and argue about things less. I suffer fools with marginally more patience than I was wont to do in my youth. 'Cept when I get riled up. Then I'm a veritable geyser of venom and vitriolic judgement.

Um...I like pie. And coffee. (together or separate - either way.) I'm Half Italian, married to a Half Irishman. I like to refer to my son as "gnocchi" (potato pasta. Keep up, people - sheese.) And, the Xanax? Yes, I take it. Yes, I'm a stressball and my doctor of eight years takes pity on me. It works, and now I consider it a condiment in the buffet that is my life.

So, whatever. I think we need to go to the store. The Bug is wearing his Froggy Rain Boots and a Sombrero, and I SO am not going to let this winner outfit go unseen by the masses...

Obligatory Disclaimers

Well, now that I'm done futzing with the layout (for now), I should probably set a few things straight.

1.) No, I'm not advocating drug use. For crap's sake, I'm writing a blog here - and maybe if I'm REALLY lucky, four people will read it. Those four people will probably be friends of mine, and no friend of mine would accuse me of that, so STFU, whichever one of the four of you is thinking it. Rotten disloyal bastard. Sheese, already. I said PRESCRIPTION, didn't I? Unwad your grannies.

2.) I have no agenda. No theme. No master plan. (But, that could be because I've already taken the evening's Xanax, and blissfully don't give a shit. Check with me tomorrow, and we'll see.)

3.) Fuck if I can remember what number three was. I've just told you, I don't give a shit...were you not listening?

4.) Oh, hey - thanks for stopping by!

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I'll bet money that I'm going to have to totally reformat the post area. Sonofabitch - can't anything be friggin EASY?